我单身,我快乐

互联网 | 编辑: uker编辑2 2007-12-18 00:30:00转载
Single Women - Are We All "No lifers"? 

    I was satisfied when I was first engaged with this "big name" company which has once designed the tallest building in China. I've since realized that this is just another "No Life" company living on its name. So, in fact I still don't have a life and I've discovered that I am screwed and destined to contribute my soul for a sound job title and reasonable salary.
    在我顺利加入这家设计过曾是中国最高建筑的知名企业之初,我满意极了。然而,当我发觉这也不过是一家靠着名头吃饭的“无生活”公司时,满足感顿时消失。所以,实际上我还是过着“无生活”的生活,每天为了我响亮的头衔和合理的薪水全力打拼。

    Thinking about work from the moment I wake. Aesthesia sets in every morning with birdcall and I follow my senses and the ritual of trying to use the least amount of time to deal with trivial but essential routines; choosing the "best" food that is easiest to be swallowed and digested; reducing water ingestion to avoid unnecessary wastage and thus wasted time scurrying off for toilet visits; forever perfecting shortened "bye-byes" to get out the door more rapidly; enhancing work productivity after waking by bringing remaining unfinished work that can be accessed between naps.
    从睁开眼睛,身体有知觉的那一刻开始,满脑子就都是工作的事情;每天清晨被鸟叫醒,凭着直觉用最短的时间处理掉吃喝拉撒之类生活必须的琐事;吃最容易咀嚼吞咽消化的食物;尽量少喝水,以减少这些意义不大的事及其带来的频繁往返卫生间的副作用所侵吞的时间;永远完美而简短地说再见并快速出门;尽量把一些当天没能处理完的事情留在睡梦中继续思考,以提高醒来后的工作效率……

    Thus every second saved gives an extra second to increased efficiency and output. As for any form of unstructured time, like seeing movies, strolling around, or even just being in a thoughtless daze, only when the devil is blind to work, time, efficiency and productivity will that time come for me.
    就这样,从日常生活中挤出来的一分一秒让我有更充足的时间提高效率和超额完成工作量。至于什么休闲活动,譬如看电影、逛街,甚至只是干坐着发发呆,绝对是没门儿的,除非驱使我工作的“魔鬼”已经完全瞎掉,看不到工作、时间、效率或业绩!

    I have turned so panda eyed, so much so that even liberal coverings of foundation make up can't conceal my physical signs of exhaustion. I am especially numb about my gender, as I was disillusioned with my MD's genuinely appreciative praise on my "manly" working attitude, which runs counter to my lifetime pursuit of becoming a full time blissfully happy housewife. But every time my real ambition becomes lost as I become, against my will, deeply emotionally connected with the MD by his impassioned speeches that are always full of his acknowledgement to those who work slave-like with bended heads over heaped papers. I hang on his words waiting for tidbits of praise and after I am filled with self-loathing that I am sucked into this subordinate and subservient role. And as a female I feel we have lost our gender and identity in the battlefield of the inner office, becoming sexless, senseless, and loveless, living our "No Life" existence.
    我脸上挂着两个黑黑的熊猫眼,它们是如此醒目地昭示着我的疲倦,以至于再浓的妆也掩盖不住。拼命的工作让我对自己的性别概念完全模糊,直到老板诚挚地夸奖我“男人般”的工作态度时,我才想起当年我对人生的美好设想是做一个幸福快乐的家庭主妇。可是,当我的老板激情洋溢地盛赞那些藏身于厚厚的文件背后,垂着脑袋奴隶一般工作的员工时,我曾经的人生理想再一次完全隐匿。我渴望得到认同和表扬,而随后我又陷入极度自我厌恶中,我竟然沉迷于这个卑微的奴性角色中。作为一名女性,我们在办公室没有硝烟的战场上渐渐丧失了自己的女性身份,变成一个个没有性别特征,没有意识,也没有爱情的“无生活”生物。

    Some people, it seems, do have a constructive consciousness and attitude towards working, always looking forward and thinking positively, without cynicism. There was an interview with some CEO on TV insolently summing-up the secrets of success "Our success is due to those personnel happily working for the enterprise day and night, day after day." I don't know whether these employees are really happy or pretending to be happy or if the CEO has assumed subjectively his staffs' happiness. I ask myself, can work really bring such contentment and fulfillment to your life?
    似乎有那么一种人,总是对工作有着建设性的觉悟和态度,每天都积极乐观地向前看,从不会消极怠工。曾经在电视上看到过一次对某位CEO的采访,他自豪地总结企业成功的秘诀:“我们的成功,都是因为我们的员工披星戴月、夜以继日的积极快乐地工作!”不知道他们是真的开心,还是看上去开心,抑或只是CEO们一厢情愿地主观假定他们应该很开心。我不禁自问,工作真的能给一个人带来那么大的满足感和成就感吗?

    I still remember in a meeting that our MD said that the previous manager here, who was female, quit the company because she could not get married and couldn't even get into any stable relationship due to the time she must give to her work! She was close to 50 before she realized the necessity to change jobs and priorities. Nearly 50 for Christ's sake! I promised myself I will never become the second sedulous example in this company. There is also a fashion designer who hasn’t been in a relationship for 5 years. The last time she was in love was in University. She has No Life. She doesn't even have time for meals. She has resolved to break up with this company. How many are there like us? How many "No life" women are there? There are two groups of women in Shanghai, and maybe in this world, 90% have "No life", no fun and no money. The other 10 % seems to make money easily, they go clubbing all week, drinking and partying,it seems this is their "Life". Because I am single, I am not a socialite, and I am deemed an older woman (approaching 30), am I destined to always work hard with "No Life"?
    我仍然记得在一次会议上我老板提到的那个公司前任女经理的事情。据说她把所有时间都花在了工作上,以至于没空考虑结婚的事,甚至无法和一个男人维持稳定的关系,最后她只好辞掉工作。当她意识到必须要改变工作和生活的先后关系时,她已经年届50了。50岁啊,老天!我对自己发誓,我决不能成为第二个她!还有另一位时尚女设计师,已经整整五年没谈过恋爱了。她的上一次恋爱还得追溯到大学时代……她完全过着“无生活”的生活,甚至连吃饭的时间都没有。后来她终于下定决心离开了这家公司。还有多少人和我们有同样的经历?这里还有多少过着“无生活”的女性?在上海,甚至是全世界,女人只分为两种。90%“无生活”,没有情趣也没有钱;另外10%早早地赚够了钱,于是天天泡吧喝酒办派对,享受着看似精彩的“生活”。而我,因为还是单身,又不是什么社交名媛,又被归为大龄女性(年届三十),我就得乖乖地奴隶般地工作,过我的“无生活”生活。

    I am a single older woman.
    我是个单身的大龄女性。
    Sometimes I am a lonely woman.
    我时不时也会觉得寂寞。
    I ask myself is that true? Am I old, single and lonely?
    是这样吗,我问自己?我真的又老又孤独吗?

    There are far too many compatriots in the same boat with me. What else can I say to you to convince you otherwise. Sometimes I can not even convince myself that I'm a success in someway - we are lonely, we long for love, we are terribly afraid of dying destitute. When Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and author of the book Singled Out (St. Martin's Press, 2006), asked 950 college students to describe married people, they used words like "happy, loving, secure, stable, and kind." The descriptions of singles, on the other hand, included "lonely, shy, unhappy, insecure, inflexible, and stubborn". "My goodness, am I one of them?" I screamed and could not help asking myself this question. Mind you, nearly more then 50% of my friends who are far beyond their nubile age are still unmarried. There are several reasons for this; career women marry later; the divorce rate is high for many reasons, including pressure of work; little time and mood to share your darling's romance; no emotion to release pressure from your hubby as you may also be stressed; no time or idea how to make proper candlelit dinners and, wow, just too many to list here. By the way, not to put too fine a point on it, those women who are married are likely to outlive their mates. As a result, most career women are now likely to spend more years of their lives single than with a significant other.
    无数女同胞和我坐在同一条船上。我还能说些什么呢?说什么才能让你相信事实并非如此呢?因为我们单身,渴望爱情,极端害怕孤独终老,所以有时候我甚至不能说服自己其实我在某些方面也算是获得了成功!在圣巴巴拉的加州大学分校任职并且即将发行新书《Singled Out》的心理学教授贝拉·德保罗博士,让950名学子来描述已婚人士,学生们用了诸如“幸福”、“相爱”、“可靠”、“稳定”、“美好”这类的词汇。而他们对未婚人群的形容,则是“孤独”、“羞涩”、“不幸”、“惶恐”、“固执”或是“执拗”。我不禁惊呼并不自觉地不断问自己:“老天,莫非我也是他们中的一员?”事实上,我半数以上的女性朋友都已经远远过了适婚年龄却还是孤身一人。造成这个局面原因有很多:不少职业女性打定主意要晚婚,因为工作压力等原因离婚率居高不下;心情很糟糕,根本沒有心思去缓解另一半的压力,因为自己的压力都无处释放;没有时间也完全没想过去营造一次烛光晚餐……哎呀,问题简直数不胜数!同时,虽然这一点听起来会让人觉得不很舒服,但事实上就算结了婚,女人往往也还是比男人长寿。所以这样一来,大部分职业女性单身一人的日子可能会比拥有爱人的日子长得多。

    Us singles are not birds of a feather. Is today's typical older unwed female a lot like Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City's free-spirited patron saint of the deliberately single? The answer: a little of this and a little of that, and in some cases, all kinds of excuses you could figure out.
    我们这些单身女性的情况各异。难道今天的典型大龄未婚女性都是《欲望都市》里的凯莉那样拥有自由灵魂的独身主义者吗?当然不是,有时候,单身的理由真的是千奇百怪,你可能想都想不到。

    Whatever, it's clear that words like lonely, shy, and insecure no longer apply to all. Fully half the women in our times, including me, say we are happier than we've ever been, at least while working and especially at the time we see and feel our careers progressing. Are we sad now and then? Sure - aren't we all? Do we occasionally lose sleep worrying about the future? Yes, and with good reason: being a single older woman comes with its own economic challenges. But that doesn't stop the majority from believing that midlife offers an opportunity for growth, for learning, and the chance to do the things we've always wanted to do. We even have the chance to do things outside of the confines, restraints and shackles of a relationship.
    无论如何,有一点是肯定的,那就是诸如“孤独”、“羞涩”、“不安”这样的词汇已经完全不再适用于单身女性了。当今社会上,至少半数的女性都认为自己过得异乎寻常地幸福。至少在工作中,特别是在看到或感觉到自己事业上取得的成就时,我们会这么觉得。我们是否也会时不时地感伤呢?毋庸置疑——大家不都是这样?我们偶尔是否会因为担心自己的将来而失眠呢?答案也是肯定的,而且我们有很好的理由:成为一个大龄的单身女性势必会带来一系列经济上的问题。但是这些并不能阻止大多数女性朝着单身又大龄这条路走。她们仍然相信人到中年才拥有成长、学习的好时机,并有机会让自己可以随心所欲,甚至还能冲破重重阻碍和桎梏去做那些从前不被允许做或者做不到的事情。

    So now, let me and all of you think again, do we really have "No Life"? I have some benefits that many married housewives can't share. Also, are we, the single "No Lifers" the ones who have created cages or limitations for ourselves? If so, it's in our hands to set ourselves free, to give ourselves "A Life", and not be so controlled by the expectations of society, work, family and friends who patronize us into thinking and believing that we have "No Life".
    所以现在,让我们大家再一起来思考一下,我们过的真的是“无生活”吗?我生活中的很多乐趣是很多家庭妇女无法品尝到的。那么,我们这些单身的“无生活”们又是不是在作茧自缚呢?如果是这样,我们应该亲手解放自己,自己给自己“生活”,而不是让自己的思维被那些迫使我们相信自己是“无生活”的社会、工作、家人和朋友所限制。

    Am I desperate to find a mate? Given the option, I wouldn't mind a committed relationship with a cuddly, caring partner - preferably someone with minimal emotional baggage and the kind of income to support a nice summer house.
    我真是那么迫切地要找到另一半吗?当然,如果可以选择的话,我倒是不介意去忠实于一个可爱又体贴的伴侣——当然他最好是没有过去的感情包袱,又有不少收入,最好可以附带买得起一套漂亮的房子。

    I do not feel like dating at times, just simply because I am not interested in dating or being in a romantic relationship with bald guys unless I meet someone really interesting. It requires a philosophical balance between putting on a game face on Saturday night and not getting stressed if nothing develops.
    可有时候我也没那么想去约会。原因很简单,除非那个男人真的很有趣,否则要去和一个秃顶的男人约会或者谈恋爱可真算不上是一件有意思的事!要想在周末晚上约会时显得轻松自在,又不能表现出因为担心两人关系没有进展而忧心忡忡,这没有点哲学平衡思想是做不到的。

    Am I lonely? I confess, yes I am, but everyone is lonely sometimes - even married people. But I actually enjoy my solitude while it could more or less balance my stressful feeling. Living alone can be lonely for sure but I love the freedom, and the fact that I know so many other singles I can network with.
    我真的孤独吗?我承认,好吧,我是很孤独,但是人人都有孤独的时候,结没结婚都一样!但是孤独感有时候或多或少能平衡压力,这让我有时候也觉得孤独是一种享受。一个人生活当然会孤独,但我钟爱那种自由,事实上在我的周围有很多和我同样单身的人,我们都享受和彼此交流的乐趣。

    Do I like my manliness? Of course I don't. But I realized to have manliness in working is one thing and having it outside of work is another story completely. I am keenly aware that appearances matter in our society and as women we need to know when to be manly and when to be feminine.
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